Narrowing Uncertainties

As the wind bristles through my hair on a sizzling Sunday, I reflect on the happenings of my first week in this project undertaking. I particularly want to journal about my journey in coming to grips with uncertainty, moving away from being a results-focused individual to a process-focused one, and dealing with stress when the things I desire may partially be out of my control. 

Life is uncertain; everything around us exists in probabilities of occurrence, down to the atom, in which electrons only exist in clouds of probability. Yet, I, and probably most people, want to live in a life of certainty. 

I would like to believe that getting an A+ on this capstone paper is in my control and that purely through willpower, I will be able to make it a reality. However, results are not in my control, getting accepted into medical school is not in my control, clients responding to emails promptly is not in my control. People having my best interests at heart is not in my control. The only thing in my control is the work I’m putting in at this exact point in time. 

Focusing on the desired result has caused me to experience tremendous stress, anxiety and worry over if I cannot make my dreams a reality.

Sometimes I feel like the whole world will come to an end. I realise it’s essential to take a step back, reframe, and remember that the sun will rise the same way it always has. I’ll still need to eat, sleep, and live. The world won’t end, and more importantly, my self imposed suffering due to my overthinking things that are not in my control may be the cause of my discomfort. 

I’m slowly starting to make peace with the reality that the only thing in my control is the work I put in, not the results I attain. And although I still feel stressed, I’m trying to channel that energy into exceeding my limits and doing great work. 

God willing, whatever is planned for me, will be the plan I follow. 

I will give every moment one hundred and fifty percent